The One Thing I No Longer Pray for My Children
One morning in the dead of winter, my mind froze, unable to find the right words to pray for my children.
Then I remembered a book of prayers I used when they were younger. After a brief search on the book shelf, I found it stored with other trinkets from the past.
Opening the book sent dust particles airborne, and reading the margin notes opened a floodgate of memories.
From the first page to the last, there were notes and dates about things that were urgent and critical in a younger season. And there were many heartfelt desires that I had for my children that still apply today.
After skimming the book, my curiosity about the authors led me to search for the husband and wife team whose words helped guide me through my children’s earlier years.
Finding the authors on social media was easy. Learning about the life of one of their children was hard.
I found a post the mother wrote about her son’s eulogy: a tribute to his life on the anniversary of his death.
Her account was chilling and tender, laced with words of love and sorrow.
She described her son’s death as suicide by cop. Years after his shooting rampage, the mother wanted her readers to know more about him than what the news had reported. The author included some history of her son’s mental health struggle and how, at that time, she thought he was properly managing his illness.
I’m anguished by the events their family endured due to mental health illness. I’m sorry his and his victims' lives ended so tragically.
But then it hit me:
The one thing I will no longer pray for my children is other people’s words.
In an attempt to control the outcome of my children’s lives, I used the prayer book as a guarantee that I would not suffer future problems with my children.
I put the authors on pedestals where they didn’t belong, and I trusted the recitation of their words to produce perfect children.
I was wrong.
Books of prayer are not wrong to use. Books of prayer are a helpful resource in many circumstances.
During dark days of rebellion, words may fail you and instead of well-spoken prayers, you may spend more time weeping and pleading with God.
A book of prayers can be a helpful resource at any stage of life.
I’ve used plenty of them through the years and I hold nothing against them; they can provide a lifeline during heartache.
But when it comes to praying for my children, I no longer want to speak other people’s words, because no one knows a child like a parent.
And there is no one who knows how to pray for their own child like the one who has lived with them and raised them.
You are the only one who knows the whole narrative. You’ve had a front row seat to the ups and downs and you see and hear what is going on in the heart of your child.
A parent is the one who feels pain when their child feels pain.
However, you may not know how to pray on your own.
Or, you may feel you’ve prayed the same thing over and over, receiving no answers.
You may be in such a dark place, reciting fear and doubt to those around you, that prayer feels impossible..
If that is where you are, then by all means, use a prayer resource that brings you peace and a sense of praying effectively.
It’s okay!
But if you are experiencing a sense of repetition without fruition, let’s look at another way to pray for your children.
The story behind the authors of the book of prayers I once used is a good reminder that there is no formula that creates the perfect prayer for the perfect child.
All God wants from you is heartfelt surrender and to genuinely seek His help and guidance.
In His grace, God provides examples of prayer within His word.
The most famous prayer is in Matthew 7:9-13:
“Then this is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’”
This is a perfect example of how to express what you want when words seem impossible to find.
Let's break it down:
Our Father, in heaven, hallowed be your name:
Speak of who God is and praise Him for it. Then ask Him to reveal Himself to your child in this way.
Your kingdom come:
Pledge your allegiance to Him and His coming kingdom. Ask Him to make His kingdom known to your child and that they would have a desire to be a part of it.
Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven:
Surrender your will to His and ask Him to accomplish His will in your child's heart.
Give us today our daily bread:
If you ask, God will supply your need. And He will supply the need of your children when you ask according to His word.
And forgive us our debts as we have also forgiven our debtors:
One thing I love to pray for children is that God will forgive their sin. They often don’t see things the way we do. And some are so blinded, they see nothing wrong with the lifestyle they’ve chosen. Take some time to confess your own sin, and then consider the sins of your children. And remember to ask for a heart full of forgiveness for sins committed against you in their ignorance.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one:
When we ask, God will lead us and our children away from the things that tempt us. Ask for deliverance and protection because Satan is hard at work to keep our children steeped in sin.
Using the words found in Scripture is my go-to way to pray for my children. I no longer want to use other people's words.
If you're needing help with your prayers or Scripture references, please contact me.
Praying and Waiting.
Waiting and Praying.
These are the most important things we can do for our children.
Waiting with you,
Susan